Guanajuato, Mex -- House Sitting

[We are House Sitting a friend's house loaded with critters. This some of the emails to the House Owner.]

Sleeping in the bed with four, count them, four animals had to have been what it was like for Noah and his family sleeping on the Ark. I felt like I was in a zoo.

Chloe settled down very quickly and I think more or less instantly asleep. Katie kept shifting from Cindi to me, from me to Cindi. Finally, she plopped down too.

The cats...OMG...the cats.

MID-NIGHT:

I was first awaken at midnight. I had been dreaming that I had been fitted for a pair of cement overshoes. You know, when the Mob's goombahs, after beating you half to death, put you in a pair of cement overshoes then throw you off a boat. I woke to find two, count them, two cats asleep on my feet.

Of course, this made my feet so numb that I had to get up and rub the feeling back into them. This made Chloe bark and woke Cindi. However, Katie slept on.

Then, the cats decided to get up for a while and have wild cat fights. This woke me, of course, I could not recall the black cat's name. I tried calling it to get it away from Yani.

"Bluey...come bluey."

That did not work.

"Nuey-suey....come on baby."

That did not work either.

"Mooy...tooty...looy...pooty."

When none of that worked, Cindi mumbled something from underneath the sheet where she and Katie were hiding.

"It's &$^#(&%@."

"Did you say Neh-neh?"

Snoring ensued. So, I tried in a falsetto voice, "Neh-neh...Meh-me...Tehty-whey-whey."

Finally I screamed at them at this seemed to shut them up.

TWO IN THE MORNING:

I woke in a panic. I felt like I was having a catheter inserted in my "no-no." I woke to two cats laying on my nether-region. You know what I mean. I suppose that it was warm and cozy and both of them were fighting for the most choice spot on my "you-know-what."
When I tried sitting up to break up and fight over that part of my body and thank them both for the compliment, one or both of them dug in their claws. I think they were slipping and hung on to my manhood as their life rope. (I took back my thanks.)

I thought I would wax philosophic about this but I have yet to come up with anything very clever.

FOUR IN THE MORNING:

I tried turning over to find the black cat, Nah-nah, laying behind my knees. Somehow, and do not ask me how, I managed to sit up to move her. She was limp as though I had somehow killed her. However, when I picked her up she made a menacing sound like a growl. I moved her then she made a sound like she did with Yani when they were fighting. Maybe she was dreaming about the fight.

When I layed back down I fell back asleep though tramatized. Then I woke swearing I heard voices in the hallway of men talking. I was getting into my Kung Fu frame of mind (Yeah right! Huh?) to fight them. I sat up only to discover that what I was hearing was Chloe snoring. When she snored I swear it sounded like a pair of Mexican Midgets in the hallway laughing or maybe singing a little ditty.

CONCLUSION:

The cats I get that they want to sleep between our legs. I remember that from decades ago. However, I have gout and cannot have anything, not even a blanket, on my feet. They swell up and hurt like hell so I have cann't have the cats on me.

I do not know what I will do tonight. I might sleep in the other room and leave Cindi to Robert's Ark. I do not know yet.

Is there any way to encourage the cats to sleep with the dogs?

Ok.

-The End-