Guanajuato, Mexico -- Cabs and Things

Today we had to get to the huge Mega Store we unfortunately have in town. This is a super market on steroids like exists in the States.

The day was beautiful for once. The temps were great allowing for short pants, short sleeves, and a healthy walk for a cab instead of calling for one. So, we struck out for the barrio, Embajadoras to flag a cab instead of calling for one.

Normally, we would call for one. This would cost us $30.00 pesos. If you flag one down on the street it is a mere $25.00 pesos.

The problem was that everyone on this beautiful, cloudless, crystal-blue sky day was on the streets wanting a cab.

With the advent of cell phones, trying to hail a cab in GTO is not as easy as it was when we moved here seven years ago. It was, in those days, so simple and so fast to raise your hand in the air and have one just appear. Sometimes, the cabbies would cruise by you out on a walk in the mountain air (now hopelessly polluted with car exhaust) and actually ask you if you needed a cab.

Not any more.

And not anymore when it is the end of the mammoth festival, Cervantino, and there are about 40,000 more bodies in the city wanting a cab and all using their cell phones to get one.

So, there we were, standing on the street and it looked hopeless.

Now, the strategy is to try and figure out who is actually waiting for cabs and then to out-position yourself from the other wannabee cab passengers.

For example, if you notice hordes standing around staring blankly down the road, looking longingly for something and you aren't sure what, then chances are they are looking for a cab.

We were in this dilemma this afternoon. So, what we did was the out-positioning maneuver: WE TRIED STANDING SOMEWHERE ALONG THE ROAD THE CABS FREQUENT SO WE COULD HAIL SOME CABBIE FIRST.

If three hundred people are standing at point "A", waiting for cabs, then you walk down the street from them to point "L" or "M".

And, there were hordes of people wanting cabs. Extend families of 15 or more, were loitering around trying to pile all of themselves into the backseat of a cab.

I'm serious and not making that up.

One horde's mistress figured out our plan and tried to counter it. She began barking orders.

She sent runners, a common ploy, to try and out run us. Whenever we saw a cab coming from our position, the runners would try and out distance us and flag the cab before us. It wasn't working for them since all the cabs that were passing on the road had fares who waved their cell phones at us with toothy grins as they passed by.

Then an empty cab came zooming down the street. Of course, the runners out ran us since they were teens and we are old, wheezing geezers.

However, I pulled out my secret weapon--MONEY!

Cab drivers will tell you that Mexicans would rather die than ever pay more than the absolute bottom cab rate. They pay the minimum, $25.00 pesos, and will pile as many bodies as they can into the cab. They will even make Granny ride in the trunk if they have to.

So, when the cab came, the little catch-a-cab-before-the-fat-gringos runner stopped the cab but I whipped out $50.00 pesos (a little less than five bucks American) and waved it in the windscreen of the cab.

The taxista, the cabbbie, of course told the Mexicans where to go--AND IT WASN'T WITH HIM AND HIS CAB--and took us to our destination instead.

Now, lest you think this cruel let me say this. Mexicans will jump your cab faster than you can say "I want a taco." They will think you flagged the cab down for them and when you open the door, will jump into the cab and steal it from you.

When this happens, OUT BID them.

Depending on your desperation, offer what it takes to get the cab driver to take you and not the cheap Mexican that will NEVER tip, will NEVER pay a higher price for their extended family horde, and pay the very least amount required by law, a cheap $25.00 pesos, less than $2.50 USD, to go the ends of the Earth and back.

I rather think I had a great day out thinking, out maneuvering, and out paying the Guanajuatense.

Today, I won.

For once!!!

The Most Hated Gringo in the World -- 33

COME TO MEXICO AND NOT HAVE TO SEE MEXICANS

Gringolandia Candidates Questions & Answers

1) Gringo at SMA's bogus tour of homes which is really a Real Estate Scam to sell you something you cannot afford:

"Do I have to see or deal with any Mexicans if I buy the house you are trying to trick me into buying?"

Slick Real Estate Shyster: "Are you kidding? The only Mexicans you'll ever have to deal with are those who pay slave wages to to wait on you hand and foot."

2) Gringo asks while signing real estate contract and handing over a suitcase full of cash: "Do they love us here?"

Estate Scammer Shyster: "Are you kidding? They tell their children that their sole purpose in life is to wait on the Gringo hand and foot and if they don't like it, they are welcome to live elsewhere than SMA."

3) Gringo who just signed his or her life away in the Mexican real estate transaction: "Will there be mosquitoes there?"

Real Estate Scammer Shyster says now that he has mucho American Dollars: "Oh, they are as big as the SUV's you intend on driving down here and will devour your children as soon as you open a window in your new SMA home."

4) Gringo calls Real Estate Scammer Shyster while standing in new home: "Where are all the light fixtures, doors, window frames, the stove and refrigerator, and floor tiles?

Real Estate Scammer Shyster: "Oh, I took those for my cousin Rickie. But I can sell you something different for cheap if you like. And, it's legal so don't bother getting an abogado."

5) Gringo talking to Estate Scammer Shyster standing over wife's body who died of a heart attack in her new SMA home that is just an empty shell: "How could you do this to us?"

Real Estate Scammer Shyster after hysterical laughing fit: "What's wrong with you, you Stupid Gabacho? It was all in the contract you signed willing and ready."

6) Gringo now telling paramedics and Mexican police why his wife is dead on the floor: "But, the contract was all in Spanish and I don't read or speak a word of Spanish."

Real Estate Scammer Shyster: "¡Qué tonto!"

The Most Hated Gringo in the World -- 32

My wife and I go to SMA two or three times a year for writing fodder. We never return without something to write about.

Recently, we went and to our surprise and delight, we saw and heard more Gabachos using Spanish, and rather well at that, in their transactions with the locals. This was grand and never before had we experienced so many Gringos speaking Spanish in SMA.

Now, I wouldn't hold my breathe waiting for a Spanish craze to take over the town, but it was pleasant to hear.

The majority may be characterized with this story my wife found online for me to use:

"Well, I just returned from a 2-week stay at XYZ Resort in Nuevo Vallarta. I couldn't believe that they actually let some Mexican people stay there!! These people were so stupid that they couldn't even talk English!! All they did was talk Mexican all day long!! Couldn't believe that the resort permitted them to swim in the pool and frolic on the beach. Their kids ran wild and had the nerve to try to play with our kids. To top it off, they were even allowed to eat in the dining room with us; I couldn't believe it!! The resort was nice, the food was good and we enjoyed the nightly entertainment, but our trip was pretty much ruined by these outsiders being at our favorite resort. We sure won't be going back there!!!!"


Is this something isolated to Nuevo Vallarta? No, I think not. We've heard it before in SMA but found this that was usable to stress a point.

These characters end up moving to Mexico to buy second homes and change the culture.


Later.........

The Most Hated Gringo in the World -- 31

I thought I would begin my re-entry to my blogging with a good old "The Most Hated Gringo in the World" story. Now, if you don't know about my title, the Gringos of San Miguel de Allende and Guanajuato, have dubbed me The Most Hated Gringo in the World.

The primary reason they hate me and have universally titled me The Most Hated Gringo in the World is that I have the ganas to suggest that they are nothing more than a bunch of Cultural Imperialist who do not flock to Gringolandias to learn Spanish and assimilate into the culture, but rather to conquer and rule.

They fit the definition of CULTURAL IMPERIALIST I would say rather perfectly.

So, there you go if you want to know why they hate me.

Hate is a funny thing, really. Sane people tend to associate those who hate with the mentally ill. That is, of course, where I lump them. While a mentally balanced person may hate very passionately the behavior of the criminal there is nothing wrong with loving the person while hating their criminal tendencies.

This escapes the Gringolandians. They choose to Hate, no matter the behavior.

It makes me wonder if this is the bent of liberalism. Liberals, politically, theologically, religiously, mentally, is what makes up the vast majority of the Gringolandias throughout Mexico. Rarely will you find a conservative in the bunch. The conservative could never survive. He or she would be run down in the street with the Liberal's SUV's and lynched.

By the way: They hate conservatives right along with everyone else who dares to express a different opinion than their LORD OF THE FLIES gangs.

Some points proving the absolute lawlessness of the Gringolandians. They not only are amoral they are immoral. It is, beyond a doubt, immoral to tolerate the breaking of law and I mean laws that should count in the common everyday moral consciousness's...

1. I am still waiting for someone to come forward and call evil, evil for the attempt on the life of my wife and I on June 4, 2007. Most of you have written me telling me I was making it all up. And yet, if any of you could manage to muster enough Spanish beyond, "si" and "no", you could come and read about the fire with the Guanajuato police department report. But, have any of you Liberal Gringolandians bothered. No, you haven't. Immoral!

2. Last Spring one of San Miguel's finest in that nest of Gabachos decided to print a letter to the editor of your little joke of a newspaper, telling how he was going to obtain a rocket launcher and shoot out of the sky the airplane banner advertising plane which obviously annoyed him. Did any of you SMA liberals call and ace an ace? You didn't. And, that's most certainly immoral.

3. My wife and gets "Happy Death Wish" emails telling her to hope along with the rest of your SMA gals and pals that Doug dies soon. I have been seriously ill, the word got out, and SMA has had a hay day with that.

4. The hard core Gringolandians in GTO know of a Gringo who has, for years I have been told, manufactured--counterfeiting--visas for the wiling and ready to pay Gringos. Does anyone stand up to this guy and turn him in? I didn't because I believe he is the one who had motive and opportunity to make the attempt on our lives. I received threats from him on more than one ocassion. I fear for our safety if I went forward.

I mean, you have got to call it what it is: A mass of lawless insanity--mental illness--that seems to rule the hearts and minds the Gringolandians showing how they've lost the ability to discern between good and evil...the definition of a Reprobate, if you must know.


And, if you want to know why the SMA gringos/gabachos want to see me dead, go the this link and read the articles I've written. For having an opinion and attacking a concept, Gringolandia, I am very much wanted dead by the SMA Imperialists. I've never singled any one person out. But, boy howdy how I watch my backside.

So, dear ones, that is why I am "The Most Hated Gringo in the World"...

Stay tuned, there is more, much more, to come.