Thursday, June 3, 2010

Guanajuato, Mex -- Not Until The Fat Woman Falls

We were on our way downtown to do some errands. Nothing risky about that normally. I do however suffer a quiver or two when walk by the parking garage where a dentist and his receptionist, on two different occasions, were jumped and robbed at about 130pm one fine safe and sound Guanajuato day.

This time we decided to ride the bus. We got on and headed toward the back where the chances of getting a breeze in the steaming hot afternoon were greater.

The bus we boarded was a new one with an elevated backseat area. You have to climb three small steps to mount the much higher back seats. Why they have these I couldn't begin to guess. But, we sat in the seat that was right up against the steps leading to the upper seats.

So, off we go stopping along the way to allow the crushing multitudes to board the bus.

This really fat lady got on the bus. It was her intent to sit in the elevated back seat area. I think I am accurate to say that this is the only area into which she could fit.

Step one, she mounts. Step two, she vanquishes, when she go on the third step the bus lurched forward and the woman let go of her grip and landed direct on top of me!

Essentially, I broke her fall finding myself squashed under the might of her huge butt. Her butt was sitting on my upper back and head. The left side of my face was mashed into the middle part of the man's back who was sitting directly in front of me.

I whimpered.

My wife flew into action trying to get this two-ton lizzy's buttocks off of me. I was immobilized as was my gordita who was laughing hysterically making it impossible for her to help in saving my life. I found it hard to breathe.

Finally, and how I have no idea, she was hoisted off of me.

Then the bus driver changed gears, creating another forward lunge, and the woman once again came off the step and on top of me.

Then, the adrenaline made its move.

I was able with a mighty Bruce Lee roar to shove this woman off of me. I grabbed her two Jello butt cheeks and pushed her up the steps and onto a seat.

She just laughed.

I had to take pain meds.

I had to go to bed.

I had to cuss a word or two each time I thought of the circumstance.

I had to swear off taking buses.

No comments: