The Most Hated Gringo in the World Report – 20

I regard Mexico as different as an expat target than almost anywhere else in the Hispanic World. What is happening here is unique, to a certain extent, than anywhere else. I haven't been talking about the universal factors that can plague you anywhere you go.

It is correct, the assertion that a geographical cure doesn't work if what you are trying to escape are universalism's that will go with you no matter where you flee.

What we mean is that Mexico, and even in its history, has had a different relationship with America. Sometimes it has been by virtue of its unique geographical proximity to the U.S., and sometimes philosophically speaking. Historically speaking, there was a great deal of influence on Mexico from the North side of the border during its Independence.

What I am talking about are the Three "C's."

Americans do things, human migration included, according to the Gringolandia Three "C's" of life.

COMFORT -- Gringos will migrate to where it is comfortable. Mexico, being so close to the U.S., makes Gringolandians feel they never have to cut the umbilical cord to their lives in the States. They can hop a plane, if need be, and be in Houston in a couple of hours. They can have all the comforts of home in Mexico and never feel like they are even in a foreign country. They never have to speak a word of Spanish. They feel so comfortable in fact they are motivated to say things like, "My money and my lawyers always win." I was told this by a lady in San Miguel de Allende. At least according to what I've read and been told in email interviews, Americans who do not want to feel like they are too stretched or taxed moving to Mexico. They claim they are expats while they act like they are still in the States. It is comfort they seek. If it were too taxing and threatened their COMFORT level, they would not move here.

A case in point is a guy I know who lived in Mexico for 15 years until he and his wife got fed up with the encroaching Gringos. Finally, they moved to Bariloche, Argentina, where he reports that nothing like what went on in their lives in Mexico has happened there, at least so far. Sure there are Gringos but they are the types to whom the COMFORT of the Three "C's" did not seem to matter. They are true expats.

CONVENIENCE -- Gringos will not expatriate, the majority of them anyway, to anywhere that isn't convenient. Those who do move somewhere inconvenient are the true expats. The Fakepats want all the American conveniences they can get. I have gotten so many emails that I've lost count from Fakepat Gringolandians who indicated they would never go anywhere that does not have a Kentucky Fried Chicken, McVomit's (Big Mac Land), Pizza Hut, Wal-Mart or Sam's Club. They are attracted to places that are only slightly different, in their twisted minds, than living in the U.S. They want something with a Disneyland-like appearance of being foreign but not too foreign. They want a scripted existence in a theatrical representation of reality.

Sustainable Tourism studies have shown this to be true over and over again. Americans will travel to a foreign county if, and only if, it is not TOO inconvenient and where they can find all the COMFORTS of home. They will go back to their homes in the U.S. instant experts on the country they visited and will have earned all this wisdom while chowing down on Extra-Crispy KFC. History, culture, and language is meaningless in light of the CONVENIENCES of home right there in that uncivilized country they were brave and pioneering enough to visit.

Living in Mexico, to the Gringo Fakepats, is like living in the States and if things get too real for them, if reality ever creeps into their magical, make-believe existence, then it is not inCONVENIENT to get back to the States.

COST -- American Fakepats generally do not migrate to somewhere that is too costly. What Americans are attracted to here in Mexico is the real estate hype that they can live like King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba for practically nothing. Plus, it is not too costly to flee back to the States in the event of trouble like it would be from Uruguay, for example. They want not just cheap living but cheap escapes if the reality of living in a foreign country comes crashing down on their play, their drama, their theater, their Disneyland.

Through the Internet, I've managed to establish an email relationship with Americans living in Argentina, Uruguay, Peru, and Chile. What I have described to them, in every lurid detail I could muster, about living in Mexico and the Gringolandians' LORD OF THE FLIES theatrical production has left them shaking their heads. Some have not believed me and those I pointed to the online forums for proof. On the forums you can find Gringolandians' Theatrically Scripted lives at their best.

One lady in Buenos Aires told me that living in the Gringolandian regions of Mexico sounded like living in the Twilight Zone.

Because of the Three "C's," I contend you will not find as much, if any, of the Gringolandian Dramatic Make-believe Lives as you do in Mexico. To travel to and live in Montevideo, as one example, you will have to forfeit the Gringolandian's concept of:

COMFORT

CONVENIENCE

COST

Those Americans who do make it to the farthest reaches of the Hispanic World are Real Expats and have correct expatriation sensibilities with regards to The Three "C's."