Friday, July 25, 2008

The Most Hated Gringo in the World Report – 10

"Correct change, please!"

What would you do if you went into a restaurant, ordered a meal for your darling little family of four that came to $30.95, but when you tried to pay with a $50.00 bill, the clerk gives you a look that could wither concrete and replies,

"That will be correct change, please."

In the small yet feisty Central Mexican town of
, you better have the correct change when buying anything or you are just likely to be shown the door.

We have a Latina friend who moved to Guanajuato from another Latin American country. She went into a Panaderia, a bakery, and picked up a variety of bread items. Whatever her bill came to, and I can't recall the details, the clerk was lacking three pesos change. The clerk demanded correct change. When my friend suggested that she was the customer and that the vendor should not inconvenience the customer, the clerk told my friend, in no uncertain Spanish terms, that she would have to come up with the correct change or forget the bread. My friend asked if she could come in another time and collect the difference owed. The answer came in the form of the clerk she-devil grabbing the bread out of my friend's hands and telling her to take a long walk on a short pier.

I would love so much to tell you that this is an isolated incident. But, as I am fond of saying, I would be lying.

My wife was in an ice cream shop trying to buy a couple of items that came to about four dollars and fifty cents. The young impertinent Chickitita told my wife to produce the correct change or forget it. My darling sweetheart tried paying for the two ice creams with a fifty-peso note, about five dollars. The Mexican Werewolf from Guanajuato's Hellmouth would not make change, which would have amounted to about one measly half-dollar or a little less.

Today, we ordered a pizza. Knowing of Guanajuato's Correct Change Only Frenzy, my wife made sure the girlie on the phone understood that the delivery guy would have to come equipped to make change for five hundred pesos. Of course, he showed up with N-O-T-H-I-N-G. Not one peso.

Not only that, he demanded that we stupid Gringos just fork over the Five Hundred and he would bring back the change while we dined on the Pizza that cost Five Hundred Pesos. I'm sure he would have never returned with the change and Guanajuato's Hellmouth would have frozen over with Mexicans skating on the ice before he would ever admit he had even seen us before or that he had delivered a pizza to us.

I can imagine the scene in the pizza place when my wife called in the order. The usual scenario is the female clerk/cook is intertwined with her boyfriend engaging in sexual foreplay. I mean this most sincerely. I've lost count of the times we've walked into a place to buy something and the staff is engaging in some ritualistic pre-poking foreplay. In one instance, this chick continued getting her boyfriend off, I suppose, while my wife stood at the counter trying to order some chicken. I am not making this up. The clerk saw my wife standing there but did not stop her activity to take the order. I was watching and timing their sex acts to see how long it was going to take before we could eat. They went at it tongue and thrust until the hot stallion wore out and fell down into a chair from exhaustion, and again I am just supposing.

This is the norm, folks, and not the exception in Guanajuato.

The pizza delivery kid said the chick didn't tell him to bring change and I can just understand why.

When I say that Guanajuato is not Gringo friendly and that Guanajuatenses are not interested in providing good customer service, this is just one of the examples of what I am talking about!!


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