When Gringos Attack – Part Two

I just love reading forum posts about living in Mexico. Actually, I rarely read them anymore because the majority of those doing the posting, mostly Americans, whose total knowledge of Mexico could fill a thimble, so frustrates me that I gave up following the threads. My wife reads them then forwards to me those she thinks I can use for Blog fodder. She sent me a doozy today.

Americans really don't get it. As the forum posters sit in front of their computer screens reading and engaging in the never-ending battle of trying to debate the Gringolandians' invasion (infection?) of Mexico through the written word, the collective reasoning power of these potential Gringolandians can't seem to make the very small leap of logic in this discussion that is required to get the point of it all.

The Gringolandian versus the True Expatriate War of Words is this: Why do Americans come to Mexico and never learn Spanish, thus creating a self-imposed barrier to the culture? Why do they create Gringo Enclaves, Gringolandias, when learning the language would open the door to the Mexican culture, thus making enclaves superfluous? Wouldn't learning Spanish solve this problem and make the creation of Gringo Gulches, Golden Coasts, Golden Corridors, and Gringolandias totally unnecessary?

In the five years I've been writing about expat issues and following these posts, the collective lot of them can only come up with this:

"So why is it okay for millions of Chinese, Cubans, Italians, Germans, Mexican, Guatamatecos, Koreans, Vietnamese, Middle Easterners to come to the U.S., set up their enclaves where they speak their own language, observe their own cultural history, eat the same food, establish businesses that cater to each other all the while preserving a piece of their homeland in their new land...but you seem to be saying it's NOT okay for Americans going to Mexico to do that." – A Forum Poster

Is this not the White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Manifest Destiny at its best?

Let me just say that the person who wrote this does not get it at all.

The ethnic groups the person mentioned created enclaves not because they want to preserve their own cultural identity. They have created and continue to create enclaves on American soil because they never were, never are, nor never will be accepted into the Anglo-Saxon mindset.

When we lived in America, we attended a Methodist Mexican church in the inner city. Most of the congregants may have been illegals. We taught some of the English. Most, if not all, of them came to America in absolute desperation to earn a better living. They were, unfortunately, convinced by the coyotes that sold them on the idea, that there was a Promised Land waiting for them in America.

Some of these guys worked 20 hours a day and slept on floors at night. Every moment of their time was spent in trying to earn enough money to send back home to their starving families. Just when would they have had time or the money to take English classes?

The reasons they flee to the U.S. are not the same as Americans who move to Mexico. Mexicans move to America to survive. Americans move to Mexico, at least traditionally, so they can exploit the cheaper real estate, cheaper cost of just about everything, and continue to live their pampered lifestyles.

Don't miss this point in the Push and Pull factors of this aspect of Human Migration.

The vast majority of Americans who near retirement age want to preserve the lifestyles to which they've grown accustomed. They want their two cars, two or three TVs, three computers, four bedrooms, three or four bathrooms, a maid and gardener. In other words, they want to live like the Queen of Sheba and King Solomon. They are lured down here on the Concept, Hype, or Idea of Mexico, which promotes the idea they can live better on less and have a life of the rich and famous. They come running based on the propaganda that all of Mexico has been so Americanized that they can live a life of luxurious pleasure having the Mexicans wait on them hand and foot.

Mexicans move to America for survival. They don’t live like they did in Mexico. In most of the cases we've seen, they live a lot worse.

Most of the Mexicans we knew could not afford to take English as a Second Language classes. They told us they wanted to take classes, but there was no money available for such an expense. Instead, they had to come to those of us who taught English for free as a ministry.

All of the Americans we know in Mexico could most certainly afford to take Spanish classes, but they don't. They don't because it's too hard, too boring, too inconvenient, too whatever. So, that's why they form enclaves and set about transforming the ancient Mexican cities (San Miguel de Allende, for one) into Disneyland versions of what the Americans want Mexico to be to them.

Ethnic groups had to form their enclaves in America because they had to. The Anglos didn't welcome them. And even then, enclaves didn't always provide a measure of safety from the Anglo-Saxons who hated anyone who was something other than white and Protestant.

The reason there is now a population of German Mennonites and Quakers in Mexico, not to mention the generations of Chinese-Mexicans, is because the Anglos chased them out of America time and time again into Mexico where they found true freedom to be who they wanted to be. They stayed.

So, the Life in Mexico forum poster, whom I quoted at the beginning in this article, just doesn't get it at all!

I don't think the Gringolandians ever will.

Mexicans have to form enclaves in America because they aren't welcome in American society.

Americans do not form enclaves because they have to. They do it because they want to. They refuse to do the one thing that would guarantee assimilation—Learn Spanish!

Life in Mexico - Muddy Waters

By Cindi Bower

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When he was a child, legendary blues artist McKinley Morganfield's grandmother nicknamed him "Muddy Waters" because he loved to play in the muddy creek near their home. During rainy season in Guanajuato, he would have felt right at home. He wouldn't even have had to go to the creek at the bottom of our street to get his dose of muddy water. Just taking a shower would have provided plenty of dirty water for his playing pleasure.

During rainy season in Guanajuato, the rains can be quite heavy. A massive amount of water flows down from the mountains, bringing large amounts of debris it picks up along the way. As a result, the normally placid rivers and creeks become roaring torrents of chocolate-colored water.

The residents and farmers are happy to see plenty of water in this normally dry region, but it causes some problems. The water treatment plant cannot adequately deal with the extra influx of water or with the sediment it carries.

I don't know how the water is in the rest of Mexico, but Guanajuato's water is not always clean, even during the dry season. Not only is it unsafe to drink (or even to use for rinsing your toothbrush!), it also can be dirty. Sometimes, the water only has a slight yellow tinge. Other times, it is rusty brown. Once in a while, muddy-colored water, complete with sediment, comes out of the faucet.

What does one do about bathing, washing dishes, and doing laundry when the "potable" water is dirty? Here are some tips I have gleaned from the locals.

When showering, even when the water is clear, keep your eyes and mouth shut to keep from ingesting water. When the water is dirty, shower as quickly as possible. You will probably notice that your hair feels stiff and your skin feels gritty. If this bothers you, you can heat some bottled water on the stove to give yourself a final rinse.

For washing dishes, I turn the water heater to its highest setting, use antibacterial soap, and use as little tap water as possible for washing and rinsing. Then, I boil some bottled water on the stove, add a little bleach, and use the hot bleach water to rinse everything.

Dealing with laundry is a bit more troublesome.

In one apartment, we were fortunate to have a washing machine. Though using it increased our water and electric bills, the extra expense was worth not having to lug our dirty clothes to the nearest laundromat (more than a mile away) or having to lug the clean clothes back up the mountain.

Everything was going along swimmingly until rainy season hit. No one told me about the problems with the water.

One day, after several days of rain, the morning dawned clear and bright. I decided it was a good time to get in a load of wash since dirty clothes were piling up. The sun was shining, so the weather would be warm enough for the clothes to dry on the clothesline (we didn't have a dryer).

I put the clothes in, started the wash cycle, and went about my business. A while later, I heard the washer complete the final spin cycle. I went out to the patio, opened the washer's lid, and saw a horrifying sight.

All my whites were brown!! Everything was ruined!!

At first, I thought something was wrong with the washing machine. It was several years old and was housed on an open patio, so I assumed the washer malfunctioned. I resigned myself to rinsing each item out in the sink.

I brought a couple of small items inside, plugged the sink, and turned on the water. The water was a nice muddy brown!! The washing machine was not at fault after all.

Now what?

I called a friend to complain about my plight. She suggested two options she had learned from experience. The first one was to only wear dark clothes during rainy season. The second was more practical. Instead of putting the clothes in the washer first and then allowing it to fill with water, allow the washer to fill before putting the clothes in. When the wash cycle is finished, take the clothes out, let the washer fill with rinse water, then put the clothes back in. Though her instructions were time-consuming, I followed them. My clothes came out clean (more or less) the second time.

After living in Guanajuato for three years, I'm not surprised when the water comes out of the faucet discolored or dirty during rainy season. When I see dirty water, I hear a gravelly blues voice singing in my ear,

"Oh yeah, they call me Muddy Water..."

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Life in Mexico: Grocery Shopping

By Cindi Bower

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One of the many reasons we chose to expatriate to Mexico, Guanajuato specifically, was we would be able to walk wherever we needed to go. We would no longer have to have a car for transportation as we did in Kansas City. A worry we had about aging was wondering what we would do when we could no longer drive. Kansas City has a bus system, but it does not cover the whole city. To get to a bus stop, you either have to drive your car somewhere and park, or you have to walk quite a distance. Walking to do errands is next to impossible because of the distances involved, not to mention the danger of crossing busy 6-lane (or wider!) streets and highways to get to your destination.

Guanajuato is a small city where it is possible to walk just about anywhere you want to go. If the weather is inclement or you have packages to carry, there are bus routes to nearly every part of the city. There are also plenty of taxis to get you where you need to go.

Even though Guanajuato has buses and taxis, we found we had to make some changes in our grocery shopping habits after we moved here.

In Kansas City, it was easy to shop for groceries. A quick trip in the car to the store, a spin through the aisles, and another quick trip home in the car was all it took…less than an hour. The stores were usually well stocked. We rarely faced a shortage of any product.

Our shopping experiences were confined to huge, impersonal supermarkets. We rarely saw anyone we knew among the other shoppers. The employees, most anyway, were barely civil. We were just part of the faceless wave of people surging in and out, day after day. Why make the effort to initiate or maintain personal relationships with such a hoard?

Mexico has its share of supermarkets and mega stores just like the USA. However, Mexico has a different venue for your shopping pleasure…one swept out of existence years ago by the flood of "progress" in the States.

The small "mom-and-pop" stores, once part of the fabric of life in the States, still exist in Mexico. In fact, they are the preferred places to shop and exchange news with neighbors.

Every neighborhood has one or more shops called "Abarrotes" or "Misceláneas." These carry canned and packaged foods, laundry detergent, cleaning products, toilet paper, bread, and snacks. Some also sell lunchmeat, cheese, milk, juice, and eggs.

For your fresh meat needs, you can visit your neighborhood butcher shop, "carnicería," or poultry shop, "pollería." The beef and pork are leaner and the chickens are plumper than in the States. We have found the meat and poultry here in Mexico are more flavorful than that in the USA.

I want to warn you about something you will see if you frequent your neighborhood butcher shop rather than the supermarket. It will shock you unless you were raised on a farm or ranch (unlike us wimpy city folk!).

The morning's deliveries don't arrive all neatly prepackaged on plastic-wrapped Styrofoam trays stacked in the back of a refrigerated truck. Oh, no! The rancher, driving the oldest, rustiest, most battered pickup truck you've ever seen, pulls up in front of the butcher shop with a pile of bloody body parts in the truck bed. Sometimes, the parts still have skin and hair attached. Usually, there are a couple of heads thrown into the mix…eyes, skin, hair, horns, teeth, and tongues intact. The rancher hoists the parts on his shoulder and hauls them into the shop, where the butcher converts them into various cuts.

Here's another warning just to prepare you. The butcher shops and poultry shops usually have large trays of nice, yellow chicken feet on the counter. Now, I can eat nearly anything, but I have to draw the line at chicken feet. Mexicans use the feet to flavor soup (and then eat them cooked) or they pickle the feet, cover them with salsa, and crunch them happily. If you buy a whole chicken, don't be surprised to find the feet (and sometimes the head!) tucked inside the body cavity with the heart, liver, and gizzard.

If you have decided to become a vegetarian because of my warnings, you can go to a greengrocery or "frutería" to buy fruits and vegetables. Some of these shops also carry a small selection of packaged foods and cleaning supplies.

All fruits and vegetables, unless you can peel them, need to be washed and then soaked in a disinfectant solution (iodine or chlorine). Supermarkets, fruterías, and sometimes pharmacies carry bottles of the disinfectant. The instructions are printed on the label…usually 5 drops for each liter of water. The drops don't change the flavor of produce. Some people say if you cook the produce, you don't need to disinfect it first. I always do it anyway, just to be safe.

To round out your purchases, you will go to a bakery or "panadería" for fresh rolls ("bolillos"), cookies ("galletas"), turnovers ("empanadas") filled with meat, tuna, cheese, or jam, and other bakery items or to a "pastelería" for cakes and pies.

Unless you shop exclusively in supermarkets in Mexico, you will have to visit several shops to find everything, more or less, on your shopping list. Because these shops are small and usually family owned, you will get to know the owners and employees as well as the other regular customers. Sometimes people come to the shop just to exchange news and gossip.

Your shopping trip will be much longer than the same trip took in the States but will be a much richer experience.

THE PLAIN TRUTH ABOUT LIVING IN MEXICO

When Gringos Attack

I thought I would write another article about a subject that's been near and dear to my heart since the wife and I moved to Central Mexico. We are here in the Colonial City of Guanajuato, where we've lived for more than five years and counting. It has been interesting to say the least. If you are one of my dear Hatemongering Readers who wants to kill me (not joking), then you know that I've written a lot about how Gringos act when they move to Mexico and pretend they are expatriates.

Why, why, why, you ask, do I keep writing about a subject that garners not just hate-filled comments, threats, but an occasional attempt (still not joking) to kill me?

Well…the reason is simple yet multifaceted.

No one writes about this issue. Other than a few really sad posts on Internet forums, you will not read about what life really is like as an American living in Mexico. In the top five or so books that are commercially available in this genre, you will not read even a hint as to what you can expect in your life as a Gringo living in the Gringolandias in Mexico.

And, let's face the truth for once, shall we? The vast majority of potential retirees move to the cities that have Gringo Enclaves, which the Mexicans call: GRINGOLANDIAS. No amount of denial, flustering and blustering, ranting and raving, threatening and vile profanities is going to change the truth. Nearly 100 % of the Gringos in Mexico live in cities that have very well developed Gringo infrastructures.

What you will read in the books and Ezines that want to attract you to Mexico so they can sell you an overpriced house are glowing reports and promises on how the local Mexicans will "Love You Here" and are "As Friendly and Honest as Christ Himself." They tell you that moving to Mexico is like walking onto the set of the old TV show "Fantasy Island." They promise there will be a "Fantasy Island Welcoming Party" just waiting for you since you've come to set the little brown people free from their third-world bondage.

By the way, before you begin plotting my death anew, the phrase "little brown people" came from the mouth of a Gringolandian in Guanajuato when she explained why the Gringolandians were raising money for their charity—to help these little brown people.

Trust me, you will not hear or read this in the move-to-Mexico literature on the market.

If you talk with the "I-Really-Would-Love-To-Kill-You-Doug" fans of mine (still not joking) in Guanajuato and San Miguel de Allende, they would utter such superlatives as, "Doug Bower is very well known here and he's a big-fat liar." They engage in hyperbolic language like, "You are the most hated Gringo in all of Mexico." You would think that the collective lot of them could muster enough brain cells to come up with a testable hypothesis once in a while. But, may I just say that drug addiction and alcoholism, something for which they are widely known among the Mexicans who serve them (I know because I've talked with their servants), can cause mass hallucinations and delusions. So, there you go.

In recent days, I've run across others who have the courage to write about what they see and hear in the Gringolandias that have infected the Republic of Mexico. One thing I've reported besides the ill treatment of Mexicans by the Gringolandians is the actual physical assaulting of Mexicans by Gringos. The Canadians with whom I've spoken tell me they see this behavior performed more by Americans who think it Appropriate Pro-Social Behavior to attack someone with a right cross rather than discuss the problem with people of other nationalities. Once when I was sitting in San Miguel de Allende, I saw a Gringa roll up a newspaper and hit a beggar who asked for a peso. She treated him as though he were a mangy cur to be shooed away.

In Barry Golson's book, Gringos in Paradise, he recounts a story told to him by a Mexican woman about a church service that took place one morning. Apparently a Gringa, who lived next door to the church, had grown tired of the noise that is inevitable when two or more Mexicans congregate for any reason, and decided it was Appropriate Pro-Social Behavior to take her water hose and hose down the congregants of this church as they fellowshipped in the church's courtyard. Granted, the Noise Factor is something that the American Gringo often fails to take into consideration when making the decision to move to Mexico. However, this woman attacked an entire group of Mexicans with her water hose as the solution. Another incident reported by Golson was when some Gringo walked into a bar and unplugged the jukebox because he thought it excessively loud.

In Puerto Vallarta, there is a renowned woman who, every time she thinks the Mexicans and their animals are too loud, blasts the cosmos with one of those fog horns that come in a can of highly-compressed air that you can buy as to use on your boat. I actually met this woman.

Another woman in Vallarta, who chose as an act of her own free will to live next door to a bar, would throw things, like marbles, at the bar patrons when the noise got too loud. As a result, she nearly lost her life while walking home in one early evening because some Mexicans decided to give her a beating.

An academic related to us stories she was told by Mexican locals in a certain Mexican town about seeing Gringos slapping cab drivers.

Sheila Croucher, a professor of political science at Miami University in Ohio, and author of "Globalization and Belonging: The Politics of Identity in a Changing World," made these observations about San Miguel de Allende:

1. San Miguel de Allende attracts one of the largest foreign populations in Mexico.

2. Most do not learn the local language and reside and socialize within an isolated cultural enclave. These immigrants practice their own cultural traditions and celebrate their national holidays. Grocery stores are stocked with locally-unfamiliar products that hail from their homeland.

3. American professionals largely work illegally in San Miguel and pay no taxes.

4. They typically do not pay their servants the Social Security taxes required by law.

5. The illegal businesses run by the American gringo community rips off the local San Miguel de Allende government in excess of more than four million pesos a year in unpaid taxes.

6. Some Americans are actually illegal aliens and do not bother with proper documentation.

7. Some are even involved in the Illegal Drug Trade and take drugs across the different Mexican state lines.

And, this pretty picture of Gringolandia is never addressed by its inhabitants. They have not yet, in the five years I've been writing about this answered the tenets of argument. I wonder how they will respond to the others who are making the same observations as I have made. They will attack you personally. They will call you names. And, some of them will threaten you. You've got to take these crazies seriously. They have the motive and the monetary means to have you assaulted.

Ad Hominem, Beg the Question, and Red Herrings and any other fallacies you can think of are the only arguments you will get out of them. Not one, count them, zero, has tried offering a reasonably constructed counterargument.

I have to add this: Almost all of the expat literature that exists paints a picture of Mexicans as the most lovingly honest and patient people on the face of the earth…that Fantasy Island Welcoming Party. One woman in San Miguel de Allende wrote that you won't find sinful things there since "this is a Catholic country."

Patient? These Gringos evidently have never ridden in a car with a Mexican driver or stood on a street when the slightest lull in traffic causes drivers to have to halt their forward motion. The way they lay on horns and drive on sidewalks, you would swear the possibility of a traffic jam was not included in the Mexican Driver's Handbook.

Honest? Today we got into a cab. When the driver learned where we lived, he kicked us out of the cab claiming there would too much traffic in that neighborhood. I didn't even flinch or offer a protest. We got of the cab. It would have done no good to resist. We hailed another cab and told the cab driver where we lived. His response was, "OK." No protests, no mention that the traffic was too heavy in our neighborhood. We told him what the other cab driver said. He said to call the cab company and complain because the first cabbie was telling us a lie. And, it was obvious we were told an outright lie because the traffic in our neighborhood was even lighter than usual!

I've lost track of how many Gringos stupidly hand over large sums of money to Mexicans for loans or building projects, only to have the Mexican disappear into oblivion with the Gringo's money, never to be seen again! The Gringos don't ask for a receipt for the money nor do they ask for the person's name, telephone number, or address. They just hand over money to people they don't know and may never have even seen before. Do Gringos behave this way in the USA? I don't think so!

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Make Your Next Vacation a Success

by

Cindi Bower

So, you've decided you are long overdue for a vacation. You feel a little anxious because the last trip or two didn't turn out quite as well as you anticipated. What can you do to be sure your next holiday is not a disaster? How can you return home rested and relaxed instead of feeling like you need a vacation to recover from the vacation? Here are some questions to think about before spending your hard-earned cash on your next holiday.

What do you like to do? Do you prefer to lounge on a beach or beside a pool reading the newest best-seller by your favorite author? Or, is sailing, windsurfing, snorkeling, deep-sea fishing, or scuba diving more what you had in mind?

Where do you want to go? Obviously, if you want to relax on the beach, you will have to find an ocean. But where? There are wonderful beaches all over the world. Time, expense, and other diversions you want to take part in will figure into the decision.

What do you hope to get out of your vacation? Do you want relaxation, rest, and a chance to get away from telephones, faxes, pagers, and e-mail? Or, do you want to experience adventure? Do you want to pursue a hobby, join an archaeological dig, or improve your foreign-language skills?

Do you want to stay in one place during the whole vacation? Or, do you want to travel to various locations within a region?

Do you want to fly or drive to your destination or make traveling the focus of the trip?

Do you want to travel with a group? Or, do you want to be free to make your own schedule?

Answering these questions will help you decide where to go and what you want to do when you get there. Of course, the amount of time and money you have set aside for your vacation will influence your decisions. Also, whether you travel alone, with another person, or with children will affect your plans.

Whatever you choose to do and wherever you choose to do it, here are two pieces of advice to help take some of the stress out of the experience.

First, unless you are driving or camping, pack light. The fewer pieces of luggage you have to haul around, the better. This is particularly true if you are flying, taking a bus, or are planning to visit several cities. It's stressful enough hurrying to make connections in an airport or bus station without having to deal with more luggage than you can carry.

Many hotels will launder your clothes for an additional fee. Some hotels have washers and dryers for guests to use. If not, the manager will be able to direct you to the nearest laundromat. Though washing clothes is not the most fun activity you could choose while on vacation, doing it once or twice during your trip will allow you to pack significantly less clothing.

If you plan to buy gifts, handicrafts, or whatever while vacationing, it is helpful to pack another, smaller suitcase inside your larger one. That way, you can have an empty one to fill with your purchases instead of trying to stuff everything into one suitcase.

I have two identical duffel-type suitcases. I put one inside the other and pack my clothes in the inside suitcase. When I'm ready to go home, I separate the two suitcases and have an empty one in which to pack all my purchases.

Keep in mind, however, the limits on numbers of suitcases and their weight that airlines and bus companies impose. You don't want to pay a penalty for extra baggage at the end of your trip.

The second piece of advice is not to try to do everything and see everything a place has to offer. Look at guidebooks and websites that concern to the city or region you plan to visit. Undoubtedly, there will be many more offerings than you can possibly take advantage of in a short time.

Focus on what interests you most and do those activities. If art is your interest, plan to visit a few of the most interesting-sounding art museums and galleries. If shopping is your passion, plan to visit the most interesting artisan workshops and the shopping areas that offer the largest variety of items.

You can always add to your itinerary if you find you have time and energy to spare. Whatever you add to your pretrip list of activities will enrich your trip.

If you plan more activities than you have time and energy to carry out, you will feel exhausted and stressed as well as disappointed that you didn't do and see everything on your list.

Consider the weather and altitude differences between home and your destination. We didn't do that on our trip to Puerto Vallarta. We planned several activities but had no idea how the heat and humidity (even in December!) would affect us. We found we had far less energy than we had at home and did not see and do all we had planned. We were disappointed and did not have the vacation we had hoped.

If you use the questions to help you plan your trip and follow the two pieces of advice, I think you will find your next vacation will be more enjoyable and will be a success!

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THE PLAIN TRUTH ABOUT LIVING IN MEXICO

Expatriates Doug and Cindi Bower have successfully expatriated to Mexico, learning through trial and error how to do it from the conception of the initial idea to driving up to their new home in another country. Now the potential expatriate can benefit from their more than three years of pre-expat research to their more than two years of actually living in Mexico. The Plain Truth about Living in Mexico answers the potential expatriate's questions by leading them through the process from the beginning to the end. In this comprehensive guide, you will learn not only how-to expatriate but will learn what to expect, in daily life, before coming to Mexico. BUY BOOK HERE:

Young Adult Fashions in Central Mexico

by

Cindi Bower

Until I came upon an article written by Debra Lo Guercio entitled "Giving the kiss of death to low-rise jeans", I thought low-risers were exclusively a Mexican fashion. After doing some research on the internet, I discovered this U.S. fashion trend began in the 1970's. The latest revival began in 1995.

Where was I? My husband and I did not move to Mexico until 2003. How could I have possibly missed noticing all those bared bellies and hips in the USA?

One reason could be that I don't have children. Children, especially teenagers, want to wear the latest styles they see their favorite movie and music stars wearing. Another reason is that I've always dressed for comfort, not for the sake of fashion. Finally, shopping has never been my favorite pastime, so I didn't spend much time at the malls. Since malls are the preferred hangout of teenagers and young adults, I missed seeing many of the fashion trends.

The city where we live in Central Mexico does not have a mall (thank goodness!) so the teenagers, kids, and adults hang out in the parks, on sidewalks, and in the streets. Here, we are exposed to clothing fashions in a way we were not in the USA.

Most children here wear conservative and not-overly attractive uniforms to school. Even then, the girls strive to express their individuality with hair ribbons and jewelry. The boys, unfortunately, can't do much to look different from the other boys. Outside school, though, the "uniform" is anything but conservative.

Low-risers are the style of choice for teenagers and young adults, at least in central Mexico. The young men have adopted the hip-hop or rap style of very baggy pants. The young women favor very snug low-risers paired with very tight tops.

As the style dictates, the young men wear their pants belted at mid-hip (or lower!), crotch hanging between the knees, and several inches of material covering the shoes and dragging the ground. The other day, I saw a young man whose jeans were belted below his rear end! I cannot see how these pants can be comfortable when they threaten to fall down with every hip swivel and threaten to trip the wearer with every step. I guess style is more important than comfort. At least the fashion dictates that boxer shorts are worn underneath the pants with the waistband pulled all the way up to the waist. No exposed flesh there.

Not so for the young women. Since Mexico is still rather conservative, the tops here are not as brief as, say, Britney Spears wore hers before her pregnancy. The tops, though so tight it's difficult to imagine the wearers being able to breathe, end just above the belly button. A wide expanse of flesh is exposed between where the top ends and the low-risers begin.

Some women look OK in this style, though even the thin ones look as if they have to buy their pants three sizes too small so they will stay up (sort of). This style is not attractive on the too-thin, though. Who wants to look at jutting hipbones? And forget about the women who carry a few extra pounds. Just how attractive is an inner tube of flab jiggling above and over the waistband?

I laughed at Ms. Lo Guercio's descriptions of US women in their low-risers. She could have been describing what I see here in central Mexico every day. I guess women everywhere want to follow the latest fashion trends even if the clothes aren't comfortable or attractive.

Low-risers are still the fashion today in the USA even though Vogue declared the trend over in May 2002 (http://slate.msn.com/id/2089623/). Since young Mexicans like to copy the fashions of their peers north of the border, I imagine low-risers will be in style here as long as they are in style in the USA, unfortunately.

I'm going out now to see if I can find a pair of pants with more than 2 inches between waist and crotch. Wish me luck! I'm not optimistic!

THE PLAIN TRUTH ABOUT LIVING IN MEXICO

The First Step In Your Expatriation Adventure

The very first thing you should consider once you've made your mind up as to where you are going to live overseas might surprise you. The many letters we receive from potential expats always begin with the theme of cost of living. While important, most who contact us in our adopted home of Guanajuato, Mexico, never get past this economic issue. It is as though the economic issue is the most important point in the whole expatriation adventure. We answer their pleas with the statement that if you downsize your American lifestyles, live as close to "going native" as is humanly possible and comfortable for you, then you will do fine economically.

However, in Mexico, we rarely, if ever, hear from those who are concerned with what we regard as the First Step-the language-when moving to a country where your native tongue is not the predominate language.

I've also wondered if those Americans who move to any country in which English isn't the predominate language are concerned with the linguistic issue. The answer is, apparently not. I talked recently with a retired Foreign Service Officer who not only served in the Foreign Service but also who was raised in a family where her parents were Foreign Service employees. The story she told was the same with slight variations on the same main, monolingual theme-language is at the bottom of the list when moving overseas!

The expatriation phenomenon in Mexico is predominantly composed of baby-boomers who are rapidly finding out retirement in the U.S. is going to be all but impossible unless you are in Bill Gates' will. A smaller segment of the American expats in Mexico are those who work here or who have mobile enough jobs and can have a great adventure in another land while making a living via the Internet. It's what I do. I send stories to publishers in America and my books surf the email waves to those who want to buy my manuscripts. But, most of the Americans and some of the Canadians are "retirees" who, for the most part, never learn Spanish.

Through the years of our expat adventure, we've discovered those American retirees who move to Mexico fall into two classes when it comes to the linguistic issue. There are those who have absolutely no intention of ever learning Spanish. I know this to be true because I've been told this to my face. I've heard this story over and over again from bilingual Americans who are truly puzzled that their fellow Americans do not want to learn Spanish. When they ask their fellow Americans why they don't learn Spanish, they get the same answer I've gotten-refusal.

The reasons for this are varied. Some retirees respond to the slick-shtick the real estate moguls spew in their advertising that you don't have to know Spanish to live in such-and-such city. They will make the claims that bilingualism is so great in the city to which they are trying to get you to come and buy a house, that you won't ever need to utter a word in Spanish. While in some cities this is true and is true because of American Cultural Imperialism, this sort of screed presents an image of Mexico that is not a reality. Many Americans are truly perplexed when they come here and don't find English predominately spoken in places the real estate gurus have targeted as places where cheap housing and affordable living can be found.

Another class of Americans who move to Mexico to retire actually gives the linguistic issue more than a passing thought. They take Spanish classes at the local adult education schools before moving to Mexico. Eventually they expatriate to Mexico and take even more classroom instruction, only to find they've shelled out a fortune in classes and cannot communicate much more than "Where's the bathroom?" and "Can you make change?" Frustration sets in and the American retiree arrives at the horrible conclusion that he or she can't learn Spanish.

This is an all-too-often scene in cities like San Miguel de Allende. The expats with whom I've spoken and those who post in the online forums express a genuine remorse, for lack of a better term, for their continued monolingualism.

This essay is targeting that group of Americans, or any monolingual expat, who still has some semblance of hope that he or she can one day communicate in Spanish and not have to be forced to live in an Americanized Mexican City that is now as expensive (if not more) as the hometown he or she left.

That is, by the way, one of the great advantages of learning Spanish as an expat. You not only can live anywhere but also will have the linguistic skills to ask Mexicans who to avoid renting or buying from in a particular city. I am convinced that's why my wife and I have repeatedly had the rare opportunity of fellowshipping with Mexicans in the privacy of their homes. This is something most expats I know have never experienced. And, think about it: How can you have any sort of social communion with someone with whom you cannot communicate?

The Failure Factor

The failure factor in learning a second language is that most regard learning a new language as an academic endeavor. They think this is going to be like learning Algebra. The approach offered by educated academics is enough to send any normal person screaming from the classroom. This approach to second language acquisition is not second language acquisition at all. It is the learning something about the target language. It will equip you to read and translate into your native tongue some piece of Spanish text. But, will it assist you in speaking and comprehending the language you want to acquire? Not likely.

The question that must be asked when making the decision to have a go at the target language of the country you are planning moving to and for whatever reasons, is do you want to be able to sit down with a local and chat while having dinner? Do you want to be able to engage not only in rudimentary social intercourse but do you want to be able to go to a Mexican doctor or dentist and not have to hire a translator to come along with you? In other words, do you want to be assimilated into the culture?

How will spending a fortune in classes in the target language help you achieve your assimilation goal? How will attending classes that will teach you all the verb declensions of the target language and the cold, mindless memorization of out-of-context vocabulary words aid you in this quest? When your friend, spouse, or life-long companion keels over from a heart attack, how will having learned in the pluscuamperfecto de subjuntivo of any verb in the Spanish language help you to rapidly explain to the emergency room physician the medical history of your loved one?

In my view, based on my research, if what you want is to be able to communicate in the target language, don't begin with a class in which you are issued a textbook, workbook, a list of grammar rules and vocabulary you have to memorize. Rather, begin with something called "Comprehensible Input."

What most try to do when taking classes in a second language is to develop the ability to speak to be understood and to understand the reply. This happens

"... when a language learner comprehends words and sentences in a communicative context. These kinds of utterances are called "comprehensible input." (Language Instructor Manual (LIM) Comprehensible Input)

I think we could all agree than no human popped out of his or her mother's womb quoting Chaucer. Each of us, no matter what our native tongue, heard thousands of repetitions of our caretaker's commands, pleadings, questions, descriptions, and so on before one day trying ourselves to reproduce the speech we heard repeatedly from our parents.

What we were exposed to was an environment in which lots and lots of words and sentences were first heard in a meaningful context. We were not born a linguistic blank slate. At birth, we had a linguistic outline preinstalled of what language should be and hearing our parents and loved ones speak to us filled in the outline. It is hardwired into our brains to learn language and this hardwiring is not ripped out of our heads what we become adults. It's still there, so why not use it to become proficient in a second language?

" Incidentally, there is no evidence that the "biological wiring" for language acquisition changes as the infant develops into childhood and then adulthood." (James Asher, Ph.D.)

How-To Begin

First of all, understand the difference in learning speech and learning language. One is the "biological wiring" for language acquisition at work; the other is an academic effort in which something "about" the language is learned.

Secondly, understand that none of us came into the world producing in any language that we didn't first hear. Production in our native tongue came after hearing lots and lots of speech in the target language spoken in meaningful contexts. Listening came before speaking in our native language.

"Never do we observe infants in any culture or in any historical period showing language acquisition starting with production followed by comprehension." (James J. Asher, Ph.D.)

Just as when we were infants, when we try to become fluent in a second language, we have to resort to the same method that afforded us success in our native language: Listening First; Production in the language second.

I am convinced, based on the science as well the personal experiences of my wife and me, that if you engage in this process, speech, and that which we all are seeking, fluency, come as the result of Comprehensible Input. And, refining speech-learning grammar-comes much later than that.

Thirdly, if you are a rank beginner, will listening to Univision TV be of any use? Hardly!

What is meant within the Comprehensible Input Theory is to be exposed to massive amounts of level-appropriate audio communication in the target language.

You would not play tapes and CD's of Shakespeare to teach your infant spoken fluency in your native tongue. If you were to watch a Mexican soap opera as a beginner you would most likely understand nothing.

You must seek input in which the speech is understandable at the level you find yourself and work up from that point. The speed at which the speech is delivered is also paramount. Trust me when I tell you that what you will get out of a traditionally taught Spanish class will not equip you to understand street Spanish. I still have problems when listening to native speakers who are excited or angry.

There are resources available to get you started in the Comprehensible Input approach to second language acquisition.

Resources:

The Learnables - Affordable and Successful Foreign Language Courses

The results of The Learnables® research are published in a variety of applied linguistic journals. A description of the research also appears in two books: Comprehension and Problem Solving as Strategies for Language Training, Mouton: The Hague, 1975 (authors H. Winitz and J. Reeds) and The Comprehension Approach to Foreign Language Instruction, Rowley: Mass., 1981 (editor H. Winitz)

Spanish I and Spanish II Fluency Fast Classes (16 DVD set)

Based on the more than 40 years of neuro-linguistic science of second language acquisition. These are actually recorded workshops that you can view in the privacy of your own home.

Immersion Plus Spanish

One of the most misunderstood parts of becoming fluent in any language is the need of training your ear in the target language. What I mean is, if you cannot hear the euphony or music of the language, you will rarely, if ever, be able to understand what someone is saying to you in the target language.

Links to these resources can be found by Clicking Here

Mexico a Retirement Paradise

During a conversation I had with a Gringo couple in the delightfully charming little park called Embajadoras in Guanajuato, Mexico, I asked if they knew there were no Disclosure Laws in Mexico when buying real estate. They were duly shocked. They were in Guanajuato to buy a house and had absolutely no clue that they could be taken for all their money only to get a lemon. Was I surprised? Nope.

I've mostly stopped writing about expat issues online for the simple reason I get my life threatened for doing so. It's been a while (January 2008) since I've received a threat to my physical safety. This one told me, in an anonymous post, that I had better be watching over my shoulder for an attack while out walking the streets of Guanajuato. Someone actually tried getting rid of me on June 4, 2007, but that is another story.

I also try to stay out of downtown Guanajuato and stay on "my side of the tracks" since more than one verbal attack, and in my face I might add, has happened. I avoid that area, wouldn't you?

The couple we met in Embajadoras, my side of the tracks, is not an exception. Most of the Gringos we've encountered on the streets of Guanajuato and who send me emails really do think Mexico is just like America.

One lady, who bought and read my first book, The Plain Truth About Living in Mexico, actually posted a "Reader's Response" on Amazon.com threatening to come to Guanajuato to hunt me down like an animal and slap me. Her motive for wanting to hurt me was that I mentioned repeatedly "remember, Mexico is not America" throughout the book. Several commented along the same lines, telling the world of Amazon.com readers that I shouldn't put in a book that which is patently obvious.

If Mexico is not America is so patently obvious, then why do the vast majority Gringos who are invading Central Mexico like a locust plague understand so little about Mexico?

One lady wrote my wife asking if the lettuce was safe to eat in Guanajuato because she just had to have this vegetable on her tacos. Can you begin to guess what she thought the tacos in Mexico would be like? Do the words "Taco Bell" come to mind?

Some of the ignorance we encounter can be comical and some is downright dangerous.

One pair of blonde-bombshell American co-eds thought that it was perfectly safe to stroll the streets at three in the morning and wanted a refund on their hotel bill after they were attacked by a roving gang of adolescent thugs down the street from the hotel. Americans will come here and flaunt their wealth as though this were Nirvana itself, never fearing they are making themselves a target. For some reason they come here and do things they would never do on the streets of Los Angeles, Detroit, Boston, or New York.

I received an email once from a young Canadian chap who is married to a Mexican woman and has two sons. They live in one of the northern states in Mexico. In response to an article I published with Escape Artist magazine, he said that he meets Americans and Canadians constantly who think that moving to Mexico is like coming to a Fantasy Island Welcoming party where the Mexicans have been waiting with breathless anticipation for the Gringo's arrival.

Do you recall that American television show? Introduced to American television in 1977, this was a program in which tales were told of visitors who would come to this magical island where their fantasies could and would come true. For about fifty thousand dollars, the guests would buy their fantasies. Shown to American audiences on ABC, it remained popular and later developed a cult following in syndication.

The comparison of Americans and Canadians moving to Mexico based on a Fantasy is an accurate one.

Just as Fantasy Island Fiction was touted as a Paradise on Earth where your wildest dreams could be made to happen, so moving to Mexico is made to appear as retiring to a Shangri-La.

One huckster actually claims all of Mexico has been so Americanized that you'll want to move here right away. Some sites claim that English is so widely spoken that you will never have to be bothered with learning Spanish. Words like "heaven on earth," "paradise," "slice of heaven," "pennies to heaven" and "retirement paradise" are frequently used.

And the all-time quote of quotes:

"The people of Mexico routinely treat strangers with warmth and curiosity. The people here seem to have the ability to enjoy life, be more hospitable, more respectful of their fellow man." (I wonder if these people ever watch the News on Mexican television?)

We were just in San Miguel de Allende, one of the most expensive Retirement Paradises in Mexico, when we heard a retiree tell us how he was attacked with weapons by a gang of Mexican thugs. He not only was robbed, but also beaten to a pulp and thrown down a cliff. He survived physically but did his "Retirement Paradise Fantasy" mentality survive?

An expat couple was robbed at gunpoint in the historic center of San Miguel de Allende at the beginning of the month.

A Gay Couple was attacked in their home and left for dead.

A Serial Rapist terrorized women for months.

The point is that those real estate moguls in the Gringolandias of Mexico don't have any morals whatsoever when they tell you anything they think you want to hear so that you will buy the properties they have to sell.

It's the bottom line: Your money at the cost of any lie or fabrication!

Mexican Living is not a paradise, nirvana, Shangri-La, heaven on earth, or a Fantasy Island Welcoming Party. It is a country that has some very good things about it and some things that are wickedly bad.

English is not widely spoken outside the resort areas. Not all of Mexico is so Americanized that it is like living in America. Not all Mexicans will be warm and friendly. There are some places in Mexico that are so Gringo Unfriendly that you would not be able to get along at all there without speaking Spanish fluently. Some Mexicans, though most will not confront you face to face (some will), will resent you being here. If you don't know Spanish then you can never know the rude comments they make about the American presence when passing them on the streets.

And most of all: Mexico is not America.

I wonder if the Gringo will ever get that?

Living In Mexico - Where Did That Bus Driver Go?

Gringolandians, those living in Gringo enclaves, live such isolated and bizarrely separate lives from the Mexicans in the same town that they have on more than one occasion called me an absolute liar for the things I've reported happening in the Mexican city where I live.

One thing with which they take particular exception is what I've written about buses. I've reported the incidents in which I've been hit by buses as the result of being shoved off the dangerously narrow sidewalks in the city of Guanajuato. I also reported that two Mexican women from Puerto Vallarta, visiting Guanajuato for the first time, wrote to tell me they, too, were shoved off the sidewalk and narrowly avoided injury. I have reported numerous other cases in which gringos have been shoved off the crowded sidewalks by uncaring, fast walking youth who shove you to get around you and end up getting you hurt sometimes.

We learned of a lady, reportedly a Gringa, who was hit by a car while on the sidewalk here in Guanajuato. She was so severely injured she required emergency surgery to repair her crushed leg.

We learned just yesterday of a six-year-old girl who was run over and killed by a bus driver who was driving way too fast and wasn't able to stop in time to avoid her. The tragedy resulted in some extensive placements of what we in America would call "speed bumps" (in Spanish, topes) on this road to slow down all the recklessly fast traffic.

However, these Gringolandias living in Guanajuato's Gringolandia claim I am lying through my teeth when I report this information.

The fact is that the Mexicans driving these buses and, in some cases the cabs, are way too careless.

Now, here is some good fodder for the Gringolandians to have a meeting and discuss (they've actually had meetings about the articles I write-their lives must be so empty they need to have a meeting to discuss me!!).

My wife and were heading out to El Campo (the country) by bus to have dinner with some Expat friends. They are true expats. They are always so encouraging. Some of the stories they've told us about Mexican life in El Campo have also been labeled by Guanajuato's Gringolandians as yet more lies from my keyboard.

My wife and I were sitting directly in back of the bus driver. When he got to the halfway point between Guanajuato and where our friends live, he slowed the bus down. I cannot even guess what the speed was because I couldn't see. I thought he was going to pull off the road and onto the shoulder to let someone out. This happens all the time. Someone wants off just anywhere, so he or she tells the driver or his assistant where to stop.

Anyway, the bus driver suddenly leapt up from the seat, leaving the bus unmanned. He shouted something at his relief guy who, by the way, looked every bit of ten years old. Then, the bus driver jumped off the still-moving bus. The relief kid casually walked toward the front of the bus, but first stopped and asked this older woman where she wanted to depart the bus. He then crawled behind the steering wheel and sped up to finish the run. The bus was driverless for about thirty seconds (according to my wife-I was too stunned to count seconds) just moving along driverless.

The kid took over the bus, deposited us at our stop in the boondocks, and we stumbled down the lane to our friends' house.

They told us, when we related the story, they've seen this happen more than once.

Our friend usually begins screaming in her fluent Spanish at the drivers when they pull this stunt. Her husband doesn't scream but thanks the driver for not killing him today.

The point?

This stuff happens. How many must get hurt before the Gringolandians admit that living their make-believe existences, with their SUV's, shopping at the superstores, does not permit them to see this stuff. They rarely, if ever, ride the buses or walk the streets in the barrios.

Their logic: You've got to be lying, Bower. Since we've not seen or experienced it, it cannot have happened.

Just brilliant!

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Living in Mexico - Rainy Season and Puppy Dumping Season

The only time one can really say that the often cited "near perfect weather" in Guanajuato takes on a sour disposition is during the late spring and summer. That's when the infamous Rainy Season descends on the inhabitants of Guanajuato and sends locals and expatriates alike running for cover and looking for sinus relief potions and tablets. Though it turns this mountain desert city into a little emerald jewel for a few months, it also has drawbacks that are hard to observe, difficult to discuss, and a bit heartbreaking.

This time of the year also brings the onslaught of unwanted puppies and kittens. Last Sunday, my wife and I were walking in the Pastita area when we saw two puppies that seemed too young to walk much less survive on their own. They were "dumped" at the trash dumpster close to the baseball stadium. Four days later, when leaving for a grocery run, we found another puppy, maybe 4-6 weeks old, at the trash dumpster in front of the CFE building (the electric company) screaming from fright. There it was, in the blazing sun and sweltering humidity, dumped by someone who thought this an appropriate, pro-social behavior. They may have thought this was a kinder act than euthanasia.

I've asked randomly, in various areas of town, why the locals do this. Mind you, I am not referring to every Mexican without exception. However, one local doing this behavior is one too many. The unanimous answer has been that puppies, as well as adult dogs, are dumped rather than having them put down because the "someone-might-rescue-them" mentality overwhelms any sort of attempt at coming up with alternate solutions like humane euthanasia. To not think critically and come up with the answer that Puppy Dumping is the only solution just has to make you stop and say, "You cannot be serious!"

The "someone might take them home" mentality seems to be so pervasive that they don't think outside that box:

"Yes, someone might take them, but the poor creatures might die from the elements, be killed by a car, killed and consumed by a larger dog, or totally ignored to die a hideous death."

Kindness and logic dictate that if you can't keep them, can't place them, rather than risking a horrible cruel death by abandonment, it is kinder to have them destroyed. And yet, that does not seem to fit into the equation of some of the local companion animal owners.

Trash dumpsters and public plazas seem to be favorite places for this cruel habit of animal dumping. The more people who frequent an area, I suppose, the bigger the chance "someone might have pity and take them home." After all, they must reason, the trash dumpster is frequented a lot, so why not dump puppies unable to fend for themselves there?

So, there's the problem. How do we fix it?

Generational problems are the hardest to repair. This problem is not just endemic to Guanajuato but is a nationwide issue. Though I can't confirm this, the anecdotal evidence is that in "some" regions, the problem is more under control than in Guanajuato. When I ask why, I am told that the laws already on the books about animal cruelty are actually enforced in some Mexican towns. If that is so, it is far too few and a change of minds and hearts about this unjust and inhumane treatment has to occur everywhere.

As I said, one instance is one too many. Imagine the suffering of companion animals all over Mexico if indeed it is a national problem.

Some say "education" is the answer. I think it is one component of the answer. Education, reaching the children, is part of the solution. Real and effective enforcement of the laws already on the books, and perhaps making a few more enforceable and stringent laws, is certainly the other missing component, is it not?

When people have to begin forking over their money for allowing their dogs to breed indiscriminately and to run loose unsupervised and unfettered, I think the problem could improve almost overnight. That takes a change in a culture's worldview. Is it too much to expect?

I not only think it is possible to change hearts and minds; I think stranger things have happened.

It isn't too hard.

It can be done!

THE PLAIN TRUTH ABOUT LIVING IN MEXICO

Dealing With Culture When Moving to Mexico (Long Post!)

In an as-yet unpublished manuscript I just finished, I cite the following:

"In a recent YouGov poll, Britons surveyed revealed that,

""...A majority of the Britons described Americans as uncaring, divided by class, awash in violent crime, vulgar, preoccupied with money, ignorant of the outside world, racially divided, uncultured and in the most overwhelming result (90 percent of respondents) dominated by big business."[1]

But I fear, just as another part of the survey reveals, Americans do not give a rat's rear-end about how their vulgarity affects the rest of the world:

"A massive 83 percent of those questioned said that the United States doesn't care what the rest of the world thinks."[2]"[3]

The context in which this quote appears in my manuscript is in relation to the clashing of Mexican and American cultures.

When I discovered this quote and read it, what did NOT pop into my mind to do was the flustering-blustering act you would expect most Americans to perform and what you are no doubt contemplating performing yourself right now as you read these words. When I read it I saw it for what it was and tried to evaluate it critically. I reasoned that while this might be an accurate reflection of what most of the rest of the nations of the world think about Americans, it certainly is not a reflection of every American without exception. Though there might be those who participated in the survey who might incorrectly think this a correct description of all Americans, I knew it was not since I am an American and this survey did not describe me.

However, it could very well be an extremely accurate description of Americans as a whole, as a culture, or an accurate view of how we come across to the rest of the world.

When my wife and I moved to Mexico, the single most surprising, and I might say even shocking, thing was to watch how American tourists and the vast majority of American expats act within someone else's culture. Our experience lent a high degree of credibility to this survey's results. It caught my attention immediately because, to be perfectly honest with you, I tend to agree with the survey and its participant's description of my fellow Americans.

Again, thinking critically, I would not say that every single American who comes to Mexico as a tourist or expatriate acts out with the most horrid behavior imaginable. But, enough do so to justify the inclusion of this survey in my manuscript and in this article.

However, the point of this article is not how Americans act and how the rest of the world perceives us. It is about perception in general and how most people, some Mexicans included, do not like to hear about the failure of one's own culture. Instead of thinking and evaluating critically someone surveying one's culture or a cultural analyst making an observation on a cultural affection and then drawing a conclusion, invariably you will hear something along the lines of,

"How dare you make a generalization like that? I am Mexican and I certainly do not think that way."

I actually had that happen to me in a Yahoo chat room post in which a Mexican took me to task that I would say "most Mexicans regard Americans as uncultured and not very socially evolved."

The basis for this person's exception was that he or she is Mexican, and because he or she does regard Americans as such and such, therefore it cannot be true.

Don't you just love those finally honed skills in logic and reasoning?

But, hey, Americans will do the very same thing. Rather than thinking through a supposition, premise, observation, or whatever, offense is immediately taken, assumptions are never tested, and incorrect conclusions are drawn.

Culturally speaking, there are things that can and do characterize certain peoples within a specific culture. Some are false stereotypes and some are positive and accurate. Traditionally, Mexicans, because of a dubious relationship with Americans throughout history, tend to regard Americans in a certain light and it is not all favorable. Personally, if two-thirds of my country was STOLEN from me, and done so under the auspices of trumped up charges against my country, I would tend to regard the robber under an unfavorable light. On CNN, I watched the Los Angeles police beat my own people to bloodied pulps for having a peaceful demonstration. This included an attack on the Hispanic Press. These events tend to taint my feelings just a bit about Americans:

"...Americans as uncaring, divided by class, awash in violent crime, vulgar, preoccupied with money, ignorant of the outside world, racially divided, uncultured..."

When someone decides to make observations about anyone's culture, it is not the time to rant and rage but to open dialogue. And, yet, the world seems as though it's becoming less and less capable of recognizing the opportunity to let the market place of ideas run its wonderful course.

I once had a Mexican male respond to an article I published in Banderas News. Rather than engaging me, he went off on a tangent that, frankly, I would have expected from an American. Rather than engage me on the premises of my argument, he went off on a hobbyhorse of, "I know these gringo types. They are monolingual people who come for a vacation in Mexico then go home to America and think they are experts on Mexican culture." And, that was some of the nice stuff. The truth, of course, is that I am bilingual. I am not a visitor but an expatriate in Mexico and have lived here going on 5 years now. The fellow offered nothing rational, nothing substantial, just ranting and raging.

Something you might find interesting is that the older and better-educated Mexican will talk frankly and very honestly about cultural clashes. They don't seem to be afraid of admitting things within the Mexican culture that need changing. Nor do they judge every American guilty by association of America's cultural bumps in the road. You can sit down with them, eyeball to eyeball, and work out these things out without having a conniption fit.

Americans can be just as bad. In the recent news, there was a boy in one of the southern states of America who shot and killed a gigantic monster hog. His father put up a web site and has posted both the positive and negative emails they have received. If you want to see whether the survey I quoted earlier in this piece has any legitimacy or not, just go to this web site and read the negative posts.[4]

The 11-year-old child is actually threatened with being murdered for hunting, killing, and eating that porker hog: " awash in violent crime."

Another verification is on the online Yahoo news. They used to provide a "chat discussion forum" in which those who read the news were able to talk about the news by posting comments. This venue became so vile, so ugly, and so "awash in violent crime," that Yahoo removed this opportunity in which readers would routinely threaten death to just about anyone and for anything.

Lastly, even down here in Mexico, I have been the subject of this accurate stereotypical American behavior. What I earned from my op-ed writing about expat issues as well as observations about the cultural collisions within my community ranged from actual threats of physical harm to one lady who suggested we move to Iraq if we hated living here so much (something that I've never said. I love living here.). She and her hubby hail from Houston, Texas, which actually explains a great deal.

And, we all know about how the Iraqis, at least some of them, like to chop the heads off of Americans.

It does not take a whole lot to convince me of the survey results:

"...A majority of the Britons described Americans as uncaring, divided by class, awash in violent crime, vulgar, preoccupied with money, ignorant of the outside world, racially divided, uncultured and in the most overwhelming result (90 percent of respondents) dominated by big business." A massive 83 percent of those questioned said that the United States doesn't care what the rest of the world thinks.""

[1] Common Dreams New Center; Britons Tire of Cruel, Vulgar US: Poll; Published on Monday, July 3, 2006 by Agence France Presse; http://www.commondreams.org/headlines06/0703-01.htm

[2] Ibid

[3] Notes From South of the Border Survival Tips To Maximize Expat Success in Central Mexico; Doug Bower; Galley copy is available at http://stores.lulu.com/mexicanliving

[4] http://www.monsterpig.com/

Mexican Living Print and eBooks - What You Need To Know When Traveling or Planning To Live in Mexico.

The Games Gringos Play

I have the distinguished honor of being the most hated Gringo, Expat, Extranjero, and American ever to have taken a step over the American-Mexican border. I also have been bequeathed with the title of The Most Ignorant Gringo. I know less of Mexican Culture, according to the bequeathors, than absolutely anyone who has ever come to Mexico. I am also, according to one retired professional writer, a "Fourth-Rate Talentless Hack" with regards to the writing that has so upset the Gringolandia populations of San Miguel de Allende and the city of Guanajuato.

It is with breathless anticipation I await this summer's barrage of accolades from the well-established Gringolandia in San Miguel de Allende and the burgeoning one in the city of Guanajuato. I am so excited I could just wet my pants.

June 4th will mark the one-year anniversary of the death threat I received from one (or more—who knows?) of my fans, in which he or she said,

"I hope when I wake up in the morning I will find you have been taken care of by the Gringos of Guanajuato."

I took the route of dismissing this as the ranting of one of the thousands of insanity-motivated Gringolandians who rule their Gringolandia Kingdoms but who take too low a dose of Thorazine. This was a mistake.

I received the threat during the afternoon of June third. It came to me via an "anonymous" reader's comment on one of my articles listed on Associated Content. About twelve hours later, I was up (thank God!) with insomnia when I heard a crackling sound outside our bedroom window. What I discovered was a fire no more than 15 feet away. A taxi was ablaze and threatened to turn into a bomb should the gas tank ignite.

Fortunately, I sounded the alarm. Everyone escaped harm. The taxi, however, was a total loss.

The fire was NEVER investigated.

Now, in case you're wondering, "Just what did this schmuck do to engender such hatred?" I will tell you:

I have written hundreds of thousands of words in books, articles, and blogs trying to convince potential expats to Mexico to learn Spanish. I have linked the learning of Spanish with the ability to access the Mexican culture. No Spanish = No culture. I have been trying to make the point that without learning the language you can never assimilate into the Mexican culture and become a part of the Mexican community. I have said that there would never be Gringolandias, Gringolandians, or American enclaves if those who move here would learn Spanish. Gringolandia would never have to exist.

I have dared to suggest that the degree to which the expat is invisible in the local community because of his or her bilingualism and bi-culturalism shows The Measure of expatriation success.

Some of the expats didn't like this at all. For all my pontificating, I have received, and continue to receive, frequent threats to my physical safety from these Gringolandians.

Are you sure you want to retire to Mexico and live with such a lively and loveable cast of characters?

More than 99.9 % of what I write about the culture is done so only after confirming my observations with Mexican nationals. Because I can handle the language (and hope to someday reach at least a Mexican college student's fluency level), I can ask Mexicans from all socio-economic levels about their perceptions of what I've observed.

And, even though I am the most ignorant and hated expat ever to cross the border and even though I have the honor of knowing absolutely nothing about Mexico and her culture, here is part of an email message from a Mexican national who very recently corresponded with my wife after reading of our Expat Philosophy:

"Before we go any further, can I hug you? Yours is really the first time I have seen this attitude in this forum. My impression has been that most people want to carve out a little piece of "home" in another country... And how many times have people come into the forum saying they want to move to Mexico but knowing very little about it, and not speaking any Spanish, or really making much of an effort to learn."

A Hispanic gentleman who is a consultant to American businessmen who want to do business in Latin America wrote:

"I just read your article on living in Mexico titled Expat or Fakepat. I applaud you. This is the kind of advice I have been writing to authors who I think have given a less than accurate account of living in Mexico. I have spent my entire career launching fortune 100 companies through out Latin America this is the first time I have read something which was unvarnished and straightforward about living in Latin America."

So, tell me:

Does this mean I have to give "The Most Hated Gringo-Expat" title back?

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GUANAJUATO MEXICO - Mexico's Greatest Colonial City.

Live and Let Live - When is This Not a Virtue?

When does "Tolerance" or "Live and Let Live" stop becoming a virtue? Is it even a virtue? If it is, is it virtuous to apply this attitude universally and without exception in every circumstance of life? Some people think this is so. They govern their lives and relationships with the idea that "if someone doesn't criticize me, then what right do I have to criticize them?" Is this correct? Is this the way we should live our lives? Is this the way an individual should live in a society? Should the society function this way?

Tolerance, "Live and Let Live," is probably a virtuous thing. The example that comes to my mind is the Biblical story of "The Good Samaritan." In this story, which only appears in the Gospel of Luke, a Samaritan helps a Jew. In the context of the time in which the story was written, Samaritans were taught to hate Jews and Jews were taught to have nothing to do with the Samaritans. The Law of the Prophets taught that the Samaritans were "unclean." Well, as the story goes, the Samaritan comes upon a Jew on the side of the road beaten, bloodied, and robbed. The Samaritan binds his wounds and takes him to shelter. In the historical context of historical religious and racial discrimination, this Bible story is an excellent example of how "Tolerance" is a virtuous thing.

When does the Tolerance-inspired axiom, "Live and Let Live", stop becoming a virtue? When does the application of tolerance become the tolerating of evil? Some people don't even believe in the existence of evil. They are opposed to it philosophically. But, really, you've got to wonder just how far one can carry the idea of tolerance. Just when does tolerance end and judgment begin? However, before that question can be answered, you have to deal with those who think to make any judgment at all is wrong.

Interestingly, many who would tell you that the Bible is a book of silly myths are some of the first to quote a passage in the New Testament Book, Matthew 7, in which one line of the text does say, "Judge not lest you too be judged." The problem is that biblically illiterate people do not go on to quote the rest of the passage. This passage does not teach we should not judge others. What the passage is teaching is that we should not judge hypocritically. In other words, if you are calling the behavior of someone wrong and are doing the same behavior you condemn someone else for, then you are guilty of being a hypocrite. "Watch out!" the passage is saying. "Or you will be judged with the same judgment you are heaping upon the head of your neighbor." It is not wrong to judge. Just make sure you are not guilty of the same thing for which you are judging your neighbor.

To make a judgment you have to have a standard, a principle, a law against which you measure a violation of that standard, do you not? The problem is that as soon as you try adhering to a standard, someone comes along and says something along the line, "Well that standard might be true for you but it is not true for me." I've heard this far too often. It is a kind of moral relativism in which universal or objective truths either do not hold water, so to speak, or do not exist at all. Those who hold to this position have the idea that any standard against which one would judge or measure "right or wrong" is relative to personal circumstances. In other words, "Oh, I can't judge him for such and such. He doesn't judge me so I can't judge him." Or, "I can't have an abortion because I think it's wrong. But, that's wrong for me and I can't say it's wrong for her."

"Moral relativists hold that no universal standard exists by which to access an ethical proposition's truth; moral subjectivism is thus the opposite of moral absolutism. Relativistic positions often see moral values as applicable only within certain cultural boundaries (cultural relativism) or in the context of individual preferences (moral subjectivism)." -- From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Imagine a society in which "Relativistic positions often see moral values as applicable only within certain cultural boundaries (cultural relativism) or in the context of individual preferences (moral subjectivism)." What kind of life that would be? How could we, as a society, righteously judge a child molester, a serial killer, a mass murderer, someone who kills his wife in a rage, a bank robber, a document forger, if moral values are only applicable in the context of individual preferences?

What if the child molester claims that within his or her "individual preferences" to have sex with a child is an ok thing to do? Under the umbrella of the cultural relativist and moral subjectivists, we could not judge the child molester as doing anything wrong. "How can I judge the child molester's life if he isn't judging me?" Or, "If the child molester does not criticize me how can I criticize him?" Or, "If the child molester is Living and Letting me Live, then why shouldn't I Live and Let the child molester live in peace?"

Why do we as a people pick and choose our morality? Why do we apply a standard and judge the child molester with it but not use the same standard to judge other areas of morality? We call child molestation wrong and lock up those who indulge in this behavior, but why? If moral values are only applicable within in the context of individual preferences, then why do we lock up pedophiles when their official line is that "We were born that way and can't help ourselves. We want and should be given special rights!" So, we judge the child molester but we look the other way at those who boast they don't pay their taxes? Or, we look the other way when we learn of other nefarious violations of the law of the land? Since when has morality become Cafeteria Morals-we pick and chose what we want to judge and leave the others?

How is that right?

How long can a world last in which its inhabitants only choose those laws that they want to enforce? When will pedophilia become, "Ok", because after all, no universal standard exists by which to access an ethical proposition's truth.

"In those days there was no king in Israel; every man did what was right in his own eyes." - Judges 17:6

The standard setter and the standard enforcer-The King of Israel-was missing. The result was a chaotic society of "every man doing what was right in his own eyes." The problem was every man had a different idea "in his own eyes" as to what was right and wrong.

And, that is exactly why the morally relativistic position of, "Live and Let Live" ultimately cannot work. Is it not a belief which has subjectivism at its core and impossible to apply in all cases because eventually you have to adhere to universally applicable spiritual and civil laws to know what is right and wrong to prevent society from falling into utter anarchistic lawlessness?

At least I think so!

Mexico and Expat Issues

In my first book about issues involved in expatriating to Mexico, I wrote rather extensive diatribes about how American gringos need to understand that Mexico is not America. In elaborate detail, I spelled out exactly what I meant. Some readers think I went too far.

One lady from New York, which explains a great deal actually, was so incensed about how I emphasized Spanish is spoken in the town in which my wife and I live, she wrote a “review” on Amazon.com and threatened me with physical harm. She said she ought to come to Guanajuato, find me and slap me. But, cut her some slack. She’s from New York.

In the book, I tried to make heads or tails at the utterly shocked surprise gringos seem to go through when they find their way to central Mexico and discover that Spanish is the language of choice here. Many apparently are not aware that Mexicans chose Spanish as their preferred language centuries ago. They have been very satisfied with that decision ever since. You would think that by the way many gringos act when they finally find their way to Guanajuato, that this fact takes them totally by surprise.

What I want to know is how in the world did they manage to get to central Mexico in the first place?

Once, my wife was in the center of town running some errands. A frantic, panicked couple rushed up to her and asked, in trembling voices, if she spoke any English. You see, we gringos, pale-faced and pasty-legged, are dead ringers for English speakers. My wife found out that these two were in mild shock over the fact that they could not find anyone who spoke English in Guanajuato. They were rendered helpless linguistically.

Well, one has to ask just what they expected.

What I have postulated in almost everything I’ve put in print is that gringos, especially the American variety, simply do not get that Mexico is not America.

That has got to be the only logical explanation. That’s all I have been able to surmise in all the years we’ve been watching American gringos who miraculously find their way into central Mexico. Just what else can it be?

There was a time when going to a foreign country to visit or to live was truly a foreign experience. You flew into a place where everything was different. The language was strange, the customs baffling, the accommodations substandard compared with American hotels, and the food, though delicious, mostly threatened to make you sick. Not so anymore!

Now, when you fly into Vallarta or another resort town, you encounter everyone speaking English. From the cabbies to the hotel staff, everyone speaks English as though they were born and educated in the United States. The customs seem Americanized to the point of being indistinguishable from America. The hotels have been so Americanized. There are no differences about which to complain. The food? Well, McDonalds or KFC is just a block away for your Americanized eating pleasure. If American tastes are what you came to Mexico to experience, then tasty American things are here in all their Red, White, and Blue Glory.

There is also all the American television you can stand, by cable and satellite, so you don’t have to miss any of your favorite shows.

Coming to a resort town in Mexico is like taking a trip from Kansas City to Saint Louis. Nothing changes. Nothing’s different. The foreign in the foreign country has been sterilized clean for American tastes.

All I am able to deduce is that this so confuses Americans, they think they are still in America. They thought they were going to some place foreign and what they hear is English being spoken massively, everywhere, and seemingly by everyone. They are confused.

Then, when they finally tire of watching the surf while drinking round after round of margaritas on sandy beaches, they think it’s time to explore more of Mexico.

The fun begins.

Just the other day, my pal told me he was sitting in the plaza, El Jardin, when he heard an American tourist whip out his cell phone and start talking.

And, let me pause this story right here. This has to be another source of mind-numbing confusion for Americans. They come here and can call home on their cell phones as if they were at the mall and not in another country. But, I digress.

This guy called home to the U.S. of A to exclaim in a voice loud enough that he certainly could have been heard back in America without using one of its imperialistic technologies, that,

“…you just wouldn’t believe it. All these people speak Spanish and I can’t find a soul that speaks English.”

This guy was in a state of red-faced confusion and anger that “not a soul spoke English in Guanajuato.”

Americans apparently really do believe, and most sincerely, that because English is massively spoken in Mexican resort towns specifically designed for English-speaking monolinguals, that all of Mexico is bilingual. And, by the way Americans act out once they find out they are stuck in a land where Spanish is the language of choice, you would think it never occurred to them to open a Spanish phrase book and learn a few phrases before coming to Mexico.
There is point that must not be missed. America, supposedly the land of milk and honey for so many foreigners who want to live and work there, is massively monolingual. Less than 9% of Americans can speak a foreign language fluently enough to get by in a town like Guanajuato.

The horrible indictment is that in Mexican resort towns, in a country that most of my American friends would call a “third world country,” where locals do not have the opportunity nor the money to take English lessons or study English in an English-speaking country, the locals become fluent in English.

They do not have the money, much less the opportunity, Americans have to become bilingual, yet they do.

The vast majority of American expatriates who move here, some having lived here for thirty years, cannot string enough Spanish words together to engage in the most rudimentary life tasks. They have the money, the time, and the opportunity to become bilingual and yet they don’t.

Do not miss that point!

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The Plain Truth about Living in Mexico